Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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