nut hugger
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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