You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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