Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
