Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
