At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
