We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
