We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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