UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
