its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
