this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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