We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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