my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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