Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize