My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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