More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
