she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
