but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
how drunk are you?
Several
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
