i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
