So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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