White coat. Heels.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
