I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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