omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
