Soap is not a condiment
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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