So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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