We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize