Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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