I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
