If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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