God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
