She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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