So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
