i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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