i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
