The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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