There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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