i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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