You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
