I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
only you would photoshop your dick
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
