my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
