Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
