There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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