I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The beers last night were like the tears from god
whose ass print is on the piano?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
