thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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