Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
