I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
