I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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