Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
