I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
