I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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