I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
