Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sober January is a disaster.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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