Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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