guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
