tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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