i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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