Nicole vs. Life
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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