I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
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At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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