omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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