yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
