For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
