dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Randomize
