she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
