I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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