a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
