So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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