You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
