So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
