If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Barsexuality is the new black.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
