i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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