You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
