We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
