He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
