He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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