I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
